Before I get into this next bit I would like to quote a little from a book I am reading. It is School Education “Developing a curriculum” By Charlotte M. Mason. Charlotte Mason is highly looked to in the homeschool community, but can offer much to others as well. She has written a series of books with 6 volumes in it on education. This one is volume 3. I have read 1 and 2. While I don’t agree with everything in her books, I do agree with a lot. I have so much enjoyed volume 3. I recommend these books to those interested in their children’s education or to teachers looking for fresh ideas.
The Habit of Sweet thoughts. Pg. 135-136 of vol 3.
"Again, Let us keep before the children that it is the manner of thoughts we think which matters; and, in the early days, when a child’s face is an open book to his parents, the habit of sweet thoughts must be kept up, and every selfish, resentful, unamiable movement of children’s minds observed in the countenance must be changed before consciousness sets in.”
Weed! Weed! Weed.!
I was recently reading an article that saddened my heart. The man was doing an answer question section. This is an open reminder to watch out from whom you take counsel from and getting it from the Bible is best.
The question was:
Q: When I give my 5-year-old daughter an instruction of some sort or other, she does what I tell her to do, but not without some amount of “lip.” She’ll mutter under her breath (but I can usually hear what she’s saying) things like “stupid,” or she’ll tell me I’m “mean” and then stomp off and do whatever it is I told her to do, usually a chore. Should I punish her for these outbursts? If so, how?
And the sad answer:
A: Exasperated outbursts of this sort fall into two categories: there are those that accompany belligerent and defiant disobedience, and there are those that don’t. Your daughter’s outbursts definitely fall into the second, more rare, category. She vents, but she obeys. Aren’t you the fortunate one?
My standard recommendation concerning this second category borrows from one of Great-Grandma’s Parenting Aphorisms: leave well enough alone. The important thing is that your daughter obeys. Yes, her venting is a tad disrespectful, but if you make that an issue, you could quickly find yourself in a power struggle with a child who is becoming both more disrespectful and increasingly defiant.
You don’t want to push this downhill, so take Great-Granny’s advice: ignore your daughter’s outbursts. My prediction is that if you pay them no mind, they will gradually fade away.
You might be saying, “Why, what is wrong about that?” Well, nothing if you want to just get along with the child long enough until she changes the under the breath outburst to the yelling at her Mom then out of control hitting her mom. Sure it is easier when they are young to ignore such behaviour. But you are letting a weed into that child’s heart that is going to get a deep root. Remember we are trying to stop the weeds before they take over the garden (our child’s heart.) If we don’t deal with the heart of a child then we are letting bitterness build up there. A child with bitterness in their heart makes for a depressed child or adult. Thus leading to more mental illnesses. This woman may find it easier to ignore this now but she WILL NOT have the rest that she could have later if she doesn’t take care of it now.
This is what I would have done in this situation. I would have stopped the child and said, “I don’t want you calling me names. I don’t want you to talk back to me it is not pleasing to God either.” Punish the child according to the Bible in a short and calm manner and tell the child, “now this time I want you to obey me with a happy heart.” Tell the child what you want them to do again and see if it improves, if not go through it again until they obey with a happy heart.
Yes, it may take a while. STAY CALM! Remember this child is not your enemy and that you are training. This child is in the learning stage, and she is learning what she can get away with. She is learning what you expect from her. She is learning right from wrong.
If your child is older, then this is how I would deal with this situation. I tell child what I want them to do. They say something like “you are stupid.” I would stop them, get at their level and say “Do you really think I am stupid?” Let them know that you have heard what they said. If they say “yes.” Then you are seeing there are some weeds that have already taken root as a child should never feel comfortable calling their mother stupid. It is time to start pulling before they get too deep. So say “ It is a sin for you to think I am stupid. It is one of the Ten Commandments to Honour your Father and Mother.” Here I would take the time to pull out the bible and show them the commandment or read it to them. And then say to them it is one of Gods laws and you have disobeyed that law. I am supposed to make sure that you keep God’s laws and you have broken one so you must be punished. I would then punish the child according to God’s words.
If the child says “No, I don’t think you are stupid and I am sorry.” I would then tell the child that the Bible says that he should honour his Father and Mother. You should never talk to me or about me like that. I am glad that you have said that you are sorry but you have broken God’s law and should be punished for it. And then do a quick simple punishment according to the Bible.
Remember we are training the heart here. If you let the child do something with a bad attitude then you are cultivating that attitude. We want to cultivate a good attitude.
Please remember that being CONSISTENT is so very important. If you can trust in the heart of your child then you will have rest. Not to mention you will get some good fruit as well.
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