Cultivating

A garden needs to be cultivated to look nice and it will also help it to give more fruit. I was sent this list of manners by an elder friend of mine. I think it is very fitting for use in our gardens. An idea is to read over them now and try to work on them by gently reminding the children as times come up. I also like the thought of picking one out to work especially hard on each week and then adding new ones in a little at a time along the way.


Manners are something we really are lacking in this age of time. They seem to be something of the past. Why don't we try to bring them back. It makes a huge difference on if you can talk to someone about the Lord. When my children use good manners while we are out it opens the door for me to tell others about Jesus. The boys have learned this and it gives them a since of being responsible for others souls by the way they act. The bible does say...

Proverbs 20:11  "Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right."

Manners

1.  Courteous Words
     •  Please
     •  Thank you
     •  You’re Welcome
     •  Excuse Me
     •  Nice to Meet You
     •  May I?
     •  I’m Sorry.  Please Forgive Me.

        Yes Mr. / Mrs./Ms. (their name) instead of Yes and No to an adult

2.  Table Manners

 •  Come to the table promptly when called, with clean hands and face.

 •  Put your napkin on your lap.

 •  Wait to start eating until after the prayer is said and the hostess (Mom) begins eating.

 •  Stay seated, and sit up straight without leaning on the table.

 •  Chew with your mouth closed, and don’t talk with food in your mouth.

 •  Don’t make negative comments about the food, but do thank whoever prepared the meal.

 •  Say, “Please pass the ____,” instead of reaching.

 •  Visit with everyone at the table.

 •  Don’t make rude noises, like burping or slurping; say, “Excuse me,” if the noise was accidental.

 •  Ask to be excused before leaving the table, and then offer to help clear the dishes.

3.  Kindness and Respect for Others

 •  Remember “Politeness is to do and say the kindest thing in the kindest way.”

 •  Be kind to all – family first – and especially look out for those younger or weaker than yourself.

 •  Take turns; don’t take the best and biggest of anything for yourself.

 •  If you bump into someone or walk in front of them, say, “Excuse me, please.”

4.  Conversations

 •  Don’t interrupt a conversation, or someone who is speaking to you.

 •  Look at the person who is speaking to you, or to whom you are speaking.

 •  Listen carefully and show interest by asking questions and making comments.

 •  When you speak, do so clearly and loudly enough (don’t mumble).

5.  Meeting and Greeting

 •  When you meet people, look directly at them, smile, and say, “Hello.”

 •  Learn how to shake hands and greet a person by name.

6.  Thank-you Notes

 •  For gifts, meals, and parties, send a written thank-you note.

7.  Telephone Manners

Consideration for safety as well as manners will affect your rules for the use of the telephone.

 •  Don’t allow a child to answer your telephone until he has learned and practiced (in role-playing) all your telephone rules.

 •  Home School Legal Defense Association recommends that you do not allow your children to answer the telephone during school hours.

 •  Teach your child not to give out any personal information to callers.

 •  Teach your child how to call 911 and give your address only in a real emergency.

 •  Turn down background noise before answering the phone.

 •  Speak clearly and identify yourself if the caller is someone you know.

 •  Ask, “Who’s calling, please?” if the caller does not identify himself.

 •  Say only, “She is not available at the moment” (not specifically where she is and what she is doing).

 •  When taking a message, include who it is for, who it is from, and a phone number (keep pens and paper by the phone).

 •  Say, “One moment, please,” and go get the person wanted (don't yell).

 These are not all the manners there is to learn, but it is a good start. If you are interested in teaching more manners to your children I recommend the book  George Washington's Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation . I try to read it to the children once a year. It is very small and only has 30 pages.

 

Sunshine

Psalms 113:9  "He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD."

Plants definitely need sunshine to grow properly. We have talked about things we need to plant, weeds that need to be pulled and how a garden needs to be watered. We need to remember that pulling weeds is good but with out sunshine a garden will not bare fruit. Sometimes we are in such a worry to train perfect children that we don’t have a perfect balance. Always having “thou shalt not” and never having smiles of acceptance is detrimental to anyone. You should be your child’s sunshine. I have a little boy that I call “my sunshine.” Every time I see his face, even from the time he was a baby, it has shone. It is almost always beaming with a smile. He has such a sweet countenance.

Some people are worried that disciplining a child will break the spirit of the child. This is not true. If you are disciplining a child properly then you will be breaking the self will of a child. If you are a grouch and yelling at your children then you are breaking the spirit of the child, which is something you don’t want to do.

Proverbs 15:13 "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."

Training a child properly will make a happy child. Have you ever seen a child throwing a tantrum? I have and thought "I wish that mother would discipline that child so that he can be happy." It is a relief to a child. They then understand what is expected of them. My same child that I was telling you about being a sunbeam can put a smile on his face in some of the hardest times. It automatically changes his spirit. Next thing you know he will be laughing and the rest of us with him. Be cause….

Smiles are contagious 

After a time of discipline is a good time to encourage your child that they can do better with a gentle smile of I love you. It is good to help a child get over being upset after being disciplined.

Sometimes it is not easy to be so joyful, but if you find that you are not smiling often, then you may have become unthankful and discontent and these are sins that you will need to get out of your life. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you maybe sick. Don't forget about those around you even in these times. I know that if you help them with a smile, they will help you to smile during those hard times. Remember “for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

Proverbs 17:22  "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

You need to plant a smile on your face and let it be there most of the time, so that you can then plant one on their face. Enjoy your children that God has blessed you with. Be a mother that is fun. Play with your children. Dance with your children. Sing to your children. Praise the Lord with your children. Giggle together. Be joyful together. It  is not only good for the soul but also good for your health.

Watering

 Gardens need plants to be a garden; we also have to keep those weeds out, but let us not forget that plants will never grow without water.

Ephesians 5:26 "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,"

 The Word of God is likened to water in this passage. Reading Bible stories to your children right out of the Bible is great. They love it. Why not read to them about Noah straight out of the Bible. Let them picture what they think Noah looks like. How about Jonah and the big fish? Let them hear how Jesus spit in the dirt and rubbed it in the eyes of a blind man and it healed him, or of how he stuck his fingers in the ears of a deaf man and spit on the ground and the deaf was made to hear. Don’t you think they would enjoy it? Give them a love for the word of God by showing them how exciting the stories are in the Bible. Read it to them daily.

 One of the best rewards we give our children is a Bible. They are not allowed to carry a Bible when they are young. I want them to know that the Bible is not just another book, but an important special book. When they start learning how to read out of a lesson book I then let them carry a small New Testament. As an incentive to finish the book they are rewarded with a Bible of their own. Oh what a happy day when they get to go and pick out their own Bible. We then start in Genesis and let them read the word of God themselves. We take our time at it. They may only read one verse at a time. We slowly work up to reading more as they can handle it. I never want it to be a burden. It is such a blessing to see the day they have read the Bible completely through. It is an accomplishment that most adults can’t say they have done. They are getting something more out of it than anything I can do. They are learning how to read out of the Bible. They are getting washed by the words of God. They are getting a since of accomplishment as they read the word of God.

 Having children memorize the word of God is a good thing as well. It is not only watering the garden but also planting seeds as it waters. There are some easy verses for children to learn. You could half some of the bigger ones. If your child is older, then they could say the whole verse, or you could take two weeks to learn it instead of one. Learning a verse is quite easy. At first I read the verse to the child. Then I have them repeat it after me a little at a time. We then practice the verse once every day. This could be at the same time that you read a Bible story to them or they read to you. By the end of the week the verse is memorized. You can start the practice of learning verses at young ages such as 2 years of age. I have had a child learn the books of the Bible at that age thinking all the while he was playing.

Here are a couple you could start out with.

• Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
• Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
• Matthew 5:16a Let your light so shine before men, …
• Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

 There are so many good ones. You can pick them according to something that your child may be learning at the time or needs to learn such as "Children obey your parents in the Lord".

 Memorizing verses and reading the Bible is not only watering the soul of your child but is also good for them. It is an excellent speech therapy time as you help them to pronounce the words. It is good exercise for their brain.

Charlotte Mason's Original Homeschooling Series

 I just found this online and I thought someone might be glad to know it is available free online. These are the books I was talking about that I am reading.
Here is the link
 http://amblesideonline.org/CM/toc.html

Weed,Weed, Weed!

For those interested the messages are now working on the last post.

Before I get into this next bit I would like to quote a little from a book I am reading. It is School Education “Developing a curriculum” By Charlotte M. Mason. Charlotte Mason is highly looked to in the homeschool community, but can offer much to others as well. She has written a series of books with 6 volumes in it on education. This one is volume 3. I have read 1 and 2. While I don’t agree with everything in her books, I do agree with a lot. I have so much enjoyed volume 3. I recommend these books to those interested in their children’s education or to teachers looking for fresh ideas. 

The Habit of Sweet thoughts. Pg. 135-136 of vol 3.

"Again, Let us keep before the children that it is the manner of thoughts we think which matters; and, in the early days, when a child’s face is an open book to his parents, the habit of sweet thoughts must be kept up, and every selfish, resentful, unamiable movement of children’s minds observed in the countenance must be changed before consciousness sets in.”

Weed! Weed! Weed.!

I was recently reading an article that saddened my heart. The man was doing an answer question section. This is an open reminder to watch out from whom you take counsel from and getting it from the Bible is best.

The question was:

Q:        When I give my 5-year-old daughter an instruction of some sort or other, she does what I tell her to do, but not without some amount of “lip.” She’ll mutter under her breath (but I can usually hear what she’s saying) things like “stupid,” or she’ll tell me I’m “mean” and then stomp off and do whatever it is I told her to do, usually a chore. Should I punish her for these outbursts? If so, how?

And the sad answer:

A:        Exasperated outbursts of this sort fall into two categories: there are those that accompany belligerent and defiant disobedience, and there are those that don’t. Your daughter’s outbursts definitely fall into the second, more rare, category. She vents, but she obeys. Aren’t you the fortunate one?

            My standard recommendation concerning this second category borrows from one of Great-Grandma’s Parenting Aphorisms: leave well enough alone. The important thing is that your daughter obeys. Yes, her venting is a tad disrespectful, but if you make that an issue, you could quickly find yourself in a power struggle with a child who is becoming both more disrespectful and increasingly defiant.

            You don’t want to push this downhill, so take Great-Granny’s advice: ignore your daughter’s outbursts. My prediction is that if you pay them no mind, they will gradually fade away.

You might be saying, “Why, what is wrong about that?”  Well, nothing if you want to just get along with the child long enough until she changes the under the breath outburst to the yelling at her Mom then out of control hitting her mom. Sure it is easier when they are young to ignore such behaviour. But you are letting a weed into that child’s heart that is going to get a deep root. Remember we are trying to stop the weeds before they take over the garden (our child’s heart.) If we don’t deal with the heart of a child then we are letting bitterness build up there. A child with bitterness in their heart makes for a depressed child or adult. Thus leading to more mental illnesses. This woman may find it easier to ignore this now but she WILL NOT have the rest that she could have later if she doesn’t take care of it now.

This is what I would have done in this situation. I would have stopped the child and said, “I don’t want you calling me names. I don’t want you to talk back to me it is not pleasing to God either.” Punish the child according to the Bible in a short and calm manner and tell the child, “now this time I want you to obey me with a happy heart.” Tell the child what you want them to do again and see if it improves, if not go through it again until they obey with a happy heart.

Yes, it may take a while. STAY CALM! Remember this child is not your enemy and that you are training. This child is in the learning stage, and she is learning what she can get away with. She is learning what you expect from her. She is learning right from wrong.

If your child is older, then this is how I would deal with this situation.  I tell child what I want them to do. They say something like “you are stupid.” I would stop them, get at their level and say “Do you really think I am stupid?” Let them know that you have heard what they said. If they say “yes.” Then you are seeing there are some weeds that have already taken root as a child should never feel comfortable calling their mother stupid. It is time to start pulling before they get too deep. So say “ It is a sin for you to think I am stupid. It is one of the Ten Commandments to Honour your Father and Mother.” Here I would take the time to pull out the bible and show them the commandment or read it to them. And then say to them it is one of Gods laws and you have disobeyed that law. I am supposed to make sure that you keep God’s laws and you have broken one so you must be punished. I would then punish the child according to God’s words.

If the child says “No, I don’t think you are stupid and I am sorry.”  I would then tell the child that the Bible says that he should honour his Father and Mother. You should never talk to me or about me like that. I am glad that you have said that you are sorry but you have broken God’s law and should be punished for it. And then do a quick simple punishment according to the Bible. 

Remember we are training the heart here. If you let the child do something with a bad attitude then you are cultivating that attitude. We want to cultivate a good attitude.

Please remember that being CONSISTENT is so very important. If you can trust in the heart of your child then you will have rest. Not to mention you will get some good fruit as well.